10:30 – and that’s a wrap, friends. Thanks for reading this nonsense. Congrats Broncos. This is all very important.
10:22 PM – I will truly be pissed if someone makes these jokes and gets more famous than me.
10:21 PM – “I just won the Super Bowl….”
10:20 PM – “Please don’t pour gatorade on me…”
10:19 PM – “Mickey Mouse, I love that guy…”
10:18 PM – “Disney world I’m going there….”
10:17 PM – Meanwhile Peyton’s singing to the Nationwide Gods…^^^
10:05 PM – Annnnnnd ball game.
10:03 PM – Ew, don’t say squirt again.
10:01 PM – Denver is CLEARLY playing better. #indepthanalysis
9:55 PM – Is Helen the British Bey?
9:51 PM – In a fit of rage, Cam Newton rips off his uniform only to reveal a more passionate Cram Screwton. Panthers go on to win the game.
9:45 PM – So excited for Drake to be in a movie and blow everyone away and then I will be like I KNEW HE WOULD BE GOOD BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AS JIMMY IN DEGRASSI and then no one will care per usual.
9:30 PM – The commercials have gotten significantly better. Still want a Super Bowl baby and no NOT LIKE THAT, MOM.
Mila Update #3 – I’m bored.
9:16 PM – huh what huh huh what?
9:12 PM – OK Panthies let’s stay in the pocket and cover the spread lingo lingo lingo blah blah blah
8:59 PM – Panthers need to hire Beyonce to help save the day lolz smh.
8:48 PM – No but seriously don’t be like us.
8:47 PM – That moment when seconds after the Domestic Violence commercial your sister in law texts you ‘Evan is in one of his moods’… we should not be allowed in public.
8:45 PM – #BEYSAVEDTHEDAY Get it trending, people.
8:42 PM – Ended on a great note. I BELIEVE IN LOVE, BEY!!!!
8:40 PM – Note to self, buy a few garters to wear underneath all of your clothes for the rest of your life to channel your inner queen on a daily basis.
8:39 PM – Okay that was awesome. Bey’s garter was probably the smartest costume move in the 21st century.
8:36 PM – SLAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
8:35 PM – Thank you, Bruno, for saving that snore fest.
8:32 PM – Cool stage though.
8:31 PM – Chris looks like he’s wearing a stolen costume from Playhouse Disney Live!
8:29 PM – Nothing says Super Bowl like a completely mediocre song choice during day time.
8:21 PM – Yayyyy half time show!!!!
Mila Update #2 – a;sldjfalsdjfs masjdf;lsd;fjas; a HEHE OOPS I SAT ON THE KEYBOARD.
8:00 PM – I want a Super Bowl baby… Wait wait wait I don’t WANT one want one. I just want one to have one on display in my home.
7:54 PM – Excited for the half time show until I remember it’s Day Light, USA out there. This will kill any cool that Beyonce could help Cold Play summon.
7:47 PM – Wow that play was McCray-cray.
7:45 PM – The score at the bottom of the screen doesn’t show who has the ball and as someone who barely knows whether I’m watching football or basketball, that would be appreciated, CBS.
7:37 PM – That ref is pretty hot… don’t lie.
7:33 PM – Seth and Amy 2016 !
7:31 PM – Way to score! Booya facemask grandma. What am I even saying?
7:30 PM – THAT WAS SO NOT OK.
7:25 PM – OK First Quarter thoughts – It’s very very odd that it’s light out. Also, this game is kind of boring.
Mila Update #1 – Um I really am enjoying all of the colors and shapes that are appearing on the large rectangular soundbox in the center of the room. I must admit that my dirty, white, cropped sock is much more entertaining, however.
7:14 PM – The Broncos’ coach TOTALLY dyes his hair and lies about it.
7:10 PM – You’re lying if you say a fight wouldn’t be awesome.
7:07 PM – Ok officially picking a side. That pass was totally complete so GO PANTHERS.
7:02 PM – Cotchery totally cotcheried that! Need more puns. NEED MORE PUNS.
6:58 PM – B.E.Y.O.N.C.E.
6:56 PM – Absolutely no, Doritos.
6:54 PM – Guys, I really have a problem with this “daylight” thing.
6:52 PM – Oh look, Denver kicked a thing.
6:49 PM – Commercials have room for improvement.
6:45 PM – OK BRING ON THE COMMERCIALS.
6:30 PM – Why is it so light out?
6:25 PM – Lady Gaga = YAS QUEEN.
6:20 PM – And Kylie’s lips are serving up tootsie roll realness… Crap when does this game start?!?!?!
6:00 PM – Kim Kardashian looks like a troll pregnant.
5:01 PM – Or I can catch up on the Kardashians real quick…
5:00 PM – Maybe I should watch some pregame action. Ya know… get some facts about the teams. Make some educated decisions. Cover the spread… ?
4:00 PM – But Panthers are cats? And we have a cat? I mean we did have a cat… Mila, are you trapped in my dresser again?!?!?
3:30 PM – I mean… I do like those Manning bros…
3:15 PM – OH maybe I could look up the teams and see how many players are from Clemson.. Ugh that would take like… 4 whole minutes…
3:00 PM – I should pick a team. How does one pick a team though?
2:00 PM – Well those chocolate pita chips no longer exist. *Pats crumbs off sweater. Notices different crumbs from yesterday.*
12:30 PM – A cool hundo later and I am now the proud owner of a shower loufa, febreeze, and dairy free microwaveable burritos! Special shout out to the High School aged bag boy who asked if I was having a Super Bowl party… Sure ain’t, Jeremy. Sure ain’t…
12:15 PM – Interesting… chocolate pita chips… adults eat those, right?
12:06 PM – “We are going to our friends house for a Super Bowl Party!” *Camera pans out to show Meghan alone in Publix having an existential crisis in the cracker aisle*
12:05 PM – Let me text my mom and see what they’re doing (aka – free food?)
12:00 PM – As I walk into Publix and notice the veggie trays and beer offers it hits me. Oh yeah. Today is the Super Bowl. Do I have plans? Of course not. Do I have friends? Of course not.