TDR: Thirteen

* Off the bench *

* Leading off *

Strikeout

The contract signing heard round the world. THANK YOU, Bryce Harper for finally picking a team. BHarps signed a 13-year $330 million contract with the Phillies yesterday, and apparently he had offers that would have given him as much as $45 million a year. The goal, according to his agent, was to get as long a contract as possible. So Bryce Harper’s Philly career will be an eighth grader by the time his time is up. I get wanting to settle in and put your roots down in one city for the rest of your career, but 13 years is soooo long. Honestly, all we care about is that a choice has been made and we can all move on. Good for you, Philly.

* Halftime *

Chickens update

Omg after all that undercooked chicken talk, it turns out Brandon Nimmo did NOT get food poisoning from his chickens. We told you yesterday about the Mets outfielder missing a game on Wednesday because of food poisoning. We all chuckled together that this grown man doesn’t know how to cook his chickens, and told you the Mets were going to arrange cooking lessons for him. Brandon came back and said he does not think it was the chicken. He said he was so proud of his cooking he even sent his wife a picture of the meal. His wife tweeted that she was still skeptical and thought it was probably food poisoning. But wait! Brandon has been redeemed! Tests came back and he had a virus! Justice for Brandon’s chickens. Way to clear your culinary name, bud.

* Keep your eye on the ball *

Riding back into town

Jason Witten is leaving the Monday Night Football booth and heading back to the Cowboys. Oooook. So last year he announced his retirement, but then I guess he was like jk, everyone really did not pick up what I was putting down as a commentator sooo I’m gonna go back to playing football. Some folks think that that he could be the next head coach of the Cowboys, so this move would serve as a means to that end. His MNF run was a tad lackluster, so this is probs a good long-term decision.

* Play under review *

Crash

A developing story coming out of Baltimore: Ravens running back Alex Collins was arrested this morning after getting into a car crash a mile away from the team facilities. So weird. Charges will be announced this afternoon, so v curious to find out why he was arrested. Collins is a restricted  free agent, so he may not be a Raven much longer. Stay tuned for updates.

* Overtime *